they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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