Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
