shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
