so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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