I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize