Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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