I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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