I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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