my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
