Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize