U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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