I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
