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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
