Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
