Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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