You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
