I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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