why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
