I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just google imaged poop.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
