It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
