Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
