she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
