the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Operation Purity has been aborted
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
