I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize