Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize