I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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