How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
