They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
