dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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