I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
