It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
