i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
