I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My balls are so social today.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
