My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize