i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
