put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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