I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
