One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
