it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there was a trapeze. enough said
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
