Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I party with great urgency now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
