My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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