So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize