It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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