Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Are we still banned from the library?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
