we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
