So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
