There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
