i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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