its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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