I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
