i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
