I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
