You made me cry and you don't even care
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
