i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
