fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
