Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
