living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
