This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
