I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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