I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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