I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
