so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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