Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
