How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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