So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just had sex bonerless
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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