I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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