you would pick up someone in the library
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
