Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
