The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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