woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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