I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
