he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
