yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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