I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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