I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
