The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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