Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
