dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
this boner is exhausting
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
