i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
