dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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