you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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