omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
