I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
