I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
