She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't deserve a penis
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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