You really coming over, don't trick.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
