the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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