I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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