so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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