we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
