Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
