Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
