how can u be prego again
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
