Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize