i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
